Christmastide in South Park
by Benji's Riot Gurl
Summary: FINISHED A bunch of Christmas Carols, but with a South Park taste to them. Please read and review!
1. Deck The Halls With Christmas Poo

South Park belongs to Trey Parker and Matt Stone. I couldn't come up with anything so................................genius!  
  
~DECK THE HALLS, SOUTH PARK STYLE~  
  
Deck the halls with Christmas Poo,  
  
Fa la la la la la la la la.  
  
Mr. Hankie sure loves you,  
  
Fa la la la la la la la la,  
  
He'll show up in Kyle's toilet,  
  
Fa la la la la la la la la la.  
  
Mr. Hankie will be flushed,  
  
Fa la la la la la la la la la.  
  
As Kenny's guts will be gushed, Fa la la la la la la la la  
  
(CARTMAN'S VOICE: YOU BASTARD!)  
  
***********************  
  
Hi! My name is Benji's Riot Gurl because I love Good Charlotte. I wrote this a couple years ago, and I thought I'd share it. Hope it's funny! I've never written for South Park before, but I hope someday to come up with some ideas and write something. Anyways, please R/R! 


	2. Cheesy Poofs

I still don't own South Park. I'm not cool and smart like Trey Parker and Matt Stone. ;)  
  
~CHEESY POOFS~  
  
(Sung by Eric Cartman, to the tune of "Jingle Bells")  
  
Cheesy Poofs, Cheesy Poofs  
  
They're so full of cheese  
  
I just think they're so damn good  
  
Don't give a fuck if I'm obese  
  
Cheesy Poofs, Cheesy Poofs  
  
I'll eat a whole bag  
  
And if Stan takes them away from me,  
  
Then I'll call him a fag!  
  
*  
  
Sitting on the couch  
  
In front of the TV  
  
Cheesy Poofs in my mouth  
  
They're the best to me.  
  
*  
  
Then my mom comes in  
  
She says in a high pitch,  
  
"Poopy, go play with your friends."  
  
And I say, "NO WAY, BITCH!"  
  
*  
  
'Cuz I love my....  
  
Cheesy Poofs, Cheesy Poofs  
  
They're so full of cheese  
  
I just think they're so damn good  
  
Don't give a fuck if I'm obese  
  
Cheesy Poofs, Cheesy Poofs  
  
I'll eat a whole bag  
  
And if Stan takes them away from me,  
  
Then I'll call him a fag!  
  
___________________________________________  
  
Yo! I made this up in ten minutes in my Spanish class. I decided to do a bunch of these South Park Christmas Carols. I hope you like them! Please R/R! 


	3. Kick The Baby

I still don't own South Park.  
  
~KICK THE BABY~  
  
(Sung by Kyle, to the tune of "Dreidyl, Dreidyl")  
  
Kick the, kick the baby  
  
Kick him in the ass  
  
Kick the, kick the baby  
  
Kick him on the grass!  
  
*  
  
Kick the, kick the baby  
  
Make it look like you're playing tag,  
  
Kick the, kick the baby  
  
And Cartman is a fag!  
  
*  
  
Kick the, kick the baby  
  
Kick until he cries  
  
Kick the, kick the baby  
  
And make up alibis.  
  
*  
  
Kick the, kick the baby  
  
Kick him like a duck  
  
Kick the, kick the baby  
  
Kick that little fuck!  
  
*  
  
Kick the, kick the baby  
  
Back to Canada  
  
Kick the, kick the baby  
  
STOP WEARING MY MOM'S BRA!!!  
  
__________________________________________________  
  
Hi! I don't think this one is as funny as "Cheesy Poofs", but it's still kinda funny. :) Thanks Aaron, for all of your reviews! *glomp*  
  
Please R/R!! I want reviews!!!!! Screw you guys, I'm going home! (LOL!) 


	4. Santa's Nuts

I don't own South Park, I'm not that funny!  
  
~Santa's Nuts~  
  
(Sung by Chef to the tune of "Silent Night")  
  
Santa's nuts  
  
Chris Kringle's nuts  
  
Rounder than  
  
those of mine  
  
Mine are more chocolate  
  
then his could ever be  
  
But his are older  
  
and round as can be  
  
But I love my chocolate salty balls  
  
I love my chocolate salty balls  
  
_______________________________________  
  
Sorry if this is a little gross, but my friend Thomas helped me with the idea a little bit. Anyways, thanks to ottomatic21 and Raspberrygirl90 for your reviews! I'm glad this is making you laugh!!!  
  
Anyways, please read/review and RESPECT MY AUTHORITAHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 


	5. We Wish You A Merry Fart, Fart

I still don't own South Park, so don't sue, you bastards! lol!  
  
~WE WISH YOU A MERRY *FART, FART*~  
  
(Sung by none other than Terrance and Phillip, sung to the tune of "We Wish You A Merry Christmas)  
  
We wish you a Merry *fart, fart*  
  
We wish you a Merry *fart, fart*  
  
We wish you a Merry *fart, fart*  
  
And a can full of beans!  
  
*big fart*  
  
From Terrance and Phillip  
  
To you in South Park  
  
Merry Christmas, you Fuck Face!  
  
Now shut up and fart!  
  
*fart*  
  
We wish you a Merry *fart, fart*  
  
We wish you a Merry *fart, fart*  
  
We wish you a Merry *fart, fart*  
  
And a can full of beans!  
  
And a can full of beans.........  
  
SHUT YOUR FUCKIN' FACE, UNCLE FUKKA!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
________________________________________________  
  
Thanks to all who reviewed, I appreciate it! Just to make it known, I think farting is disgusting, but this is Terrance and Phillip. They, like Chef, have sick minds. Not me! lol! Well, maybe my mind is a little sick..............anyways, please R/R! 


	6. Oh Shit, I Hurled

I don't own South Park! So don't sue!  
  
~OH SHIT, I HURLED~  
  
(Sung by Stan, to the tune of "Joy To The World")  
  
Oh shit, I hurled  
  
On Wendy again  
  
'Cuz she was my girlfriend  
  
At the Christmas dance  
  
I felt a wiggle in my pants  
  
When I saw that girl  
  
Wendy's beauty makes me hurl  
  
Oh shit, I hurled  
  
On Wendy again  
  
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Thanks to the ppl who reviewed! I really appreciate it! 


	7. Kenny The Mortal

I still don't own South Park! So stop trying to sue, you dirty fuck faces! lol! J/K. But I still don't own South Park.  
  
~KENNY THE MORTAL~  
  
(To the tune of "Frosty The Snowman"; sung by anybody)  
  
Kenny the mortal  
  
Dies every fuckin' day  
  
Something always comes and moshes his guts  
  
And he's not even gay! (A/N: No offense!)  
  
*  
  
Kenny the mortal  
  
Never has good luck  
  
Someone always comes and kills his ass  
  
Before he mumbles, "What the fuck?"  
  
*  
  
Even on Christmas  
  
Even on Christmas  
  
Kenny will still die  
  
*  
  
Even on Christmas  
  
Even on Christmas  
  
Towely will get high!  
  
*  
  
Kenny the mortal  
  
His mom will get some ass  
  
She'll have another kid named Kenny  
  
And he'll grow up really fast  
  
*  
  
Kenny the mortal  
  
Will meet up with his friends  
  
They'll goof off for a little while  
  
Then something will kill him again  
  
*  
  
STAN: Oh my god, they killed Kenny!  
  
KYLE: You bastard!  
  
_______________________________________________________________________  
  
Thanks to all you guys reviewing, I'm glad you think this is funny! Please R/R! 


	8. The Twelve Days Of Christmas

I still do not own South Park.  
  
~THE 12 DAYS OF CHRISTMAS~  
  
ALL: On the first day of Christmas, some bastard gave to me...  
  
TOWELY: An extremely fat sack of weed. Wanna get high?  
  
ALL: On the second day of Christmas, some bastard gave to me...  
  
CARTMAN: 2 bags of Cheesy Poofs!  
  
(Stan grabs the bags, then Cartman snatches them back.)  
  
CARTMAN: Stan, you fag!  
  
TOWLEY: And an extremely fat sack of weed. You sure you don't wanna get high?  
  
ALL: On the third day of Christmas, some bastard gave to me...  
  
CHEF: 3 blow jobs. You like my chocolate salty balls?  
  
CARTMAN: 2 bags of Cheesy Poofs!  
  
TOWELY: And an extremely fat sack of weed. Please, let's get high!  
  
ALL: On the fourth day of Christmas, some bastard gave to me...  
  
STAN: 4 vomit bags.  
  
(People look at him, disgusted)  
  
STAN: *looks at feet* For when I throw up on Wendy....  
  
CHEF: 3 blow jobs.  
  
CARTMAN: 2 bags of Cheesy Poofs!  
  
TOWELY: And an extremely fat sack of weed! Man, I need to get high!  
  
ALL: On the fifth day of Christmas, some bastard gave to me...  
  
KENNY: (muffled) 5 seconds to live!  
  
(A plane flies over and drops a bomb on Kenny and he explodes.)  
  
STAN: Oh my God, they killed Kenny!  
  
KYLE: You bastard!  
  
STAN: 4 vomit bags.  
  
CHEF: 3 blow jobs.  
  
CARTMAN: 2 bags of Cheesy Poofs!  
  
TOWELY: And an extremely fat sack of weed! You know you wanna get high!  
  
ALL: On the sixth day of Christmas, some bastard gave to me...  
  
KYLE: Dude, I'm Jewish.  
  
CARTMAN: 6 dumbass Jews! (A/N: Sorry to any Jews!)  
  
KYLE: Shut up, fatass!  
  
(Kyle and Cartman duke it out. Kyle kicks Cartman in the balls, and  
Cartman is bent over in pain on the floor and cries obnoxiously.  
Kenny comes back to life, dressed as a reindeer.)  
  
KENNY: (muffled) 5 seconds to live!  
  
(Jimbo comes by and sees Kenny's costume.)  
  
JIMBO: Look! A reindeer!  
  
(Jimbo shoots Kenny, then runs off.)  
  
JIBO: I don't want Santa to think it was me!  
  
STAN: Oh my God, they killed Kenny! AGAIN!  
  
KYLE: You bastard!  
  
STAN: 4 vomit bags.  
  
CHEF: 3 blow jobs.  
  
CARTMAN: 2 bags of Cheesy Poofs!  
  
TOWELY: And an extremely fat sack of weed! Let's get high!  
  
ALL: On the seventh day of Christmas, some bastard gave to me...  
  
MR. GARRISON: 7 Mr. Hats!  
  
(People stare at him)  
  
MR. GARRISON: What? I love Mr. Hat!  
  
CARTMAN: *still on the floor* 6.......cool........Jews.  
  
KYLE: That's better, fatass!  
  
(Cartman gives him the bird, and Kyle clenches his fist. Cartman  
is scared 'cuz he knows what Kyle can do to him, so he backs off.  
Then Kenny comes back to life again.)  
  
KENNY: (muffled) 5 seconds to live!  
  
(A hawk swoops down and carries Kenny away. A few seconds  
later, his bloody hand falls from the sky.)  
  
STAN: Oh my God, they killed Kenny! AGAIN!  
  
KYLE: You bastard!  
  
STAN: 4 vomit bags.  
  
CHEF: 3 blow jobs.  
  
CARTMAN: 2 bags of Cheesy Poofs!  
  
TOWELY: And an extremely fat sack of weed! LET'S GET HIGH, PEOPLE!  
  
ALL: On the eighth day of Christmas, some bastard gave to me...  
  
MR. MACKIE: 8 Anti-Druggies. Drugs are bad, Mmmkay?  
  
MR. GARRISON: 7 Mr. Hats!  
  
CARTMAN: *still on the floor* 6.......cool........Jews.  
  
(Kenny comes back to life again.)  
  
KENNY: (muffled) 5 seconds to live!  
  
(A bunch of hungry rats come by and eat Kenny, right there.)  
  
STAN: Oh my God, they killed Kenny! AGAIN!  
  
KYLE: You bastard!  
  
STAN: 4 vomit bags.  
  
CHEF: 3 blow jobs.  
  
CARTMAN: 2 bags of Cheesy Poofs!  
  
TOWELY: And an extremely fat sack of weed! I LOVE TO GET HIGH!  
  
ALL: On the ninth day of Christmas, some bastard gave to me...  
  
BUTTERS: 9 e-evil sidekicks! *puts on Professor Chaos costume* YOU ALL WILL DIE!  
  
STAN: Butters, that's not the Christmas Spirit!  
  
BUTTERS: O-Okay. *takes off costume*  
  
WENDY: How about this? 9 new pairs of shoes.  
  
(Stan looks at her)  
  
WENDY: For when you vomit on me! Boys are gross!  
  
MR. MACKIE: 8 Anti-Druggies.  
  
MR. GARRISON: 7 Mr. Hats!  
  
CARTMAN: *still on the floor* 6.......cool........Jews.  
  
(Kenny comes back to life again and is holding a candle)  
  
KENNY: (muffled) 5 seconds to live!  
  
(Kenny drops the candle and his coat gets caught in the fire.  
He burns to death.)  
  
STAN: Oh my God, they killed Kenny! AGAIN!  
  
KYLE: You bastard!  
  
STAN: 4 vomit bags.  
  
CHEF: 3 blow jobs.  
  
CARTMAN: 2 bags of Cheesy Poofs!  
  
TOWELY: And an extremely fat sack of weed! *cries* I need a smoke!  
  
ALL: On the tenth day of Christmas, some bastard gave to me...  
  
TERRANCE AND PHILLIP: 10 cans of beans! HAHAHAHAHA! *fart*  
  
WENDY: 9 new pairs of shoes.  
  
MR. MACKIE: 8 Anti-Druggies.  
  
MR. GARRISON: 7 Mr. Hats!  
  
CARTMAN: *still on the floor* 6.......cool........Jews.  
  
(Kenny comes back to life again.)  
  
KENNY: (muffled) 5 seconds to live!  
  
(Kenny pulls out a lighter and lights a fart to impress Terrance  
and Phillip. He is ignited and dies.)  
  
STAN: Oh my God, they killed Kenny! AGAIN!  
  
KYLE: You bastard!  
  
STAN: 4 vomit bags.  
  
CHEF: 3 blow jobs.  
  
CARTMAN: 2 bags of Cheesy Poofs!  
  
TOWELY: And an extremely fat sack of weed! LET'S ALL GET HIGH!  
  
ALL: On the eleventh day of Christmas, some bastard gave to me...  
  
MRS. BROVLOSKI: (followed by the kids' parents)11 reasons why you kids  
shouldn't be singing this filth!  
  
CARTMAN: *gets off floor* Fuck you, bitch! SECURITY!  
  
(Security guards come over.)  
  
CARTMAN: They were molesting us again!  
  
SECURITY GUARD: That's it! You're going to jail! *takes all the angry parents away*  
  
CARTMAN: Haha! Kyle's mom is a bitch!  
  
KYLE: Don't say that about my mom!  
  
(Kyle punches Cartman again and puts him back on the floor.)  
  
TERRANCE AND PHILLIP: 10 cans of beans!  
  
WENDY: 9 new pairs of shoes.  
  
MR. MACKIE: 8 Anti-Druggies.  
  
MR. GARRISON: 7 Mr. Hats!  
  
CARTMAN: *still on the floor* 6.......cool........Jews.  
  
(Kenny comes back to life again.)  
  
KENNY: (muffled) 5 seconds to live!  
  
(A samuri comes in and is showing off his sword technique,  
and accidentally chops Kenny's head off.)  
  
STAN: Oh my God, they killed Kenny! AGAIN!  
  
KYLE: You bastard!  
  
STAN: 4 vomit bags.  
  
CHEF: 3 blow jobs.  
  
CARTMAN: 2 bags of Cheesy Poofs!  
  
TOWELY: And an extremely fat sack of weed! Still wanna get high?  
  
ALL: On the twelfth day of Christmas, some bastard gave to me...  
  
MR. HANKIE: 12 Christmas turds! HOWDEEEEE HO!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
MRS. BROVLOSKI: (via satellite from jail) 11 reasons why you kids still  
shouldn't be singing this filth!  
  
TERRANCE AND PHILLIP: 10 cans of beans!  
  
WENDY: 9 new pairs of shoes.  
  
MR. MACKIE: 8 Anti-Druggies.  
  
MR. GARRISON: 7 Mr. Hats!  
  
CARTMAN: *still on the floor* 6.......cool........Jews.  
  
(Kenny comes back to life again.)  
  
KENNY: (muffled) 5 seconds to live!  
  
(Mr. Hankie's friends come by and jump around, and one accidentally  
jumps in Kenny's mouth. Two seconds later, he drops dead.)  
  
MR. HANKIE: That must have been Fred, the one that came from a guy who  
swallowed rat poison. Fred must have absorbed the poison.  
  
STAN: Oh my God, they killed Kenny! AGAIN!  
  
KYLE: You bastard!  
  
STAN: 4 vomit bags.  
  
CHEF: 3 blow jobs.  
  
CARTMAN: 2 bags of Cheesy Poofs!  
  
TOWELY: And an extremely fat sack of weed! LET'S GET HIGH!  
  
ALL: (to readers) Merry Christmas, you bastards!  
  
_______________________________________________________________________  
  
Hello! Well, this is it, the last SP song. Thanks for the reviews! 20! Wow! I really appreciate them, I really do. I'm glad you guys liked this! But don't worry, this isn't the last you'll hear from me, I will come up with some SP stories sometime soon, I hope. Happy Holidays, you guys, and thanks again! 


End file.
